God i lift it all to you..

The doubts i constantly have after some issues about us.. I wonder if it the end or a test that i always thought it will bring us closer. I been thinking so much about you i tried and tried but is so hard. I always pray for you before i sleep that you will have peace at your heart. I feel weird because i really do not know what problems your facing alone. To me i want to be able to share your woes with you, it may sound silly but it really means so much to me to know and be there for you. Or maybe you just need your own time to settle your stuff and your emotions. I really hope we can chat and meet up before i go to my NS on dec8 that is my biggest thing i would want to see or do before i go in. Haiz. To RWXP i miss you so much. God please make me closer to you day by day and to read the bible to find peace within your presence.

NS Letter Recieved !

After maybe 4 to 5 months of getting fat and all ! NS finally sent me a letter saying i will be serving my 2 Years as a Policeman ! =D Do you think it is cool ! haha Well i am excited as it is something new and all plus at least my uniform are like way way way WAY cooler than the current Army's one ! haha =P 

Well recently had a Gig at TPY hub and it was good and manage to pull off the 5 songs without any big screw ups especially with only 2 practices ! haha =) Felt really Good to do my origanal live and it was the first time and i hope most people liked it.

Would like to thank everyone who came and supported me and my band =) This really meant alot to us as a band and all THANKS ! =D (to the special one. You look lovely that day and was so happy to sing for you!

 )
 

My struggles and now my determination !

Well most people would have known that i have joined recently... Due to the stupid 1 sec of fame that i had from the advertisement ! =) haha that was it really a smile like this =D that is all.... made it through the first round though not much things to share just that the waiting time was so long ! Gosh so long that now if i wait for an hour that means just 5 mins.. Really I meant IT AND TRIED IT ! But was very excited to meet the judges as i never had joined or met them before want to know where i would stand ~

I Did not make it to the next round... Kinda disappointed as i wanted to to let my friends and most importantly family be proud.. I Guess i do not have what it takes..Dick lee says : Your the kind of singer in a band no one will notice. Florence said One part of the song you sang just now you look angry.. Ken Lim said Your just do not stand out.. Guess looks is everything in Idol..

Yup sadly no comments on my singing so hoping it means just the overall was not appealing to the judges =) But was so happy to spent time with my family and seeing my brother supporting me and chatting with my friends and my family too LOVE MY FAMILY =)

NO Worries after my disappointment and complaining deep down that pushed me to go further to do well in my dreams.. After watching One Piece for like 80 plus hours. ! It taught me to be be determined in my goals no matter what happens. I really feel motivated to do tons of stuff just to be at the very best ! =) wish me luck pray for me and see me fly !


This is my new guitar ! =) though is rather cheap but i feel that the tone of the guitar is really nice =) blueish 70s rock clean sound ! Perfect for my songs that i am going to write ! haha

Am I losing my faith you love?

I been emoing since the last posting due to some problems but i was baptized ! i feel happy and peaceful.. However, I do not know my future i can't share what is coming up in my life there are people whom i told to about it and others that i did not yet... i just want to not stress myself too much over this thingy..

To her i want to say, I'm happy to know you and i put a part of you in my life. Though i should not be doing so. Maybe i'm just feel connected to have someone who somehow likes me for who i am and maybe adores me when i sing. But i know things maybe going further and drifting away. No matter what i do miss you and somehow worried for you. Those moments maybe soon fading away in your mind but to me it was just like the first time i knew you.

I just leave this to God. I love you GOD. I adore you and i will Praise you for being so patient and faithful to me when i am not.. It hurts for me to sin but i cannot stop it. I hate it when i sin.

My didi ! =) So Cute la

Thanks kylie for the pictures ! =)

My Wish List ! Greedy Or Not You judge ~!

1)A New Watch that have leather Strap that is thick and with a big surface to view the time ! Classic !

2)Gosh Xbox 360 Rock Band 2 ! Awesome ! Singing and drums ! here i come ! =P (I wanna ROX !)

3) This is not to make me sound holy but i would love a bible commentary that tells me meaning about the bible in a simple and yet practical way to deal with my life.. (i'm getting Baptized 14 May On my birthday how cool is that ! )

4)Well a new camera lens will surely take my lazy ass up and go around Singapore to do my maybe portfolio or something the close up lens !

5)If i can get this ! WHOA ! Shiok man ! A fender guitar with effects that i can compose new songs not just by chords but experimenting different styles of music ! AWESOME... Beats Rock Band ! haha...

Lastly....

I hope most of the people whom i am going to invite to my 21 st Birthday will turn up and have a great time.... I will have it on 15 may and 16 may two days....

Is weird not to have it on my actual day cause it is a weekday ! ARRRR !! damn so most my friends in poly can't come... SO made it Friday and Sat !

For those who interested tag me on here so i can fill you in the details...

I have planned maybe the first day is more for my church, ITE friends, basketball friends.

Day 2 Is my Gyss Friends Bandmates and pierce and gyss juniors ! =)

I felt lost.. Honestly

I maybe be cheerful when people meet me.. But deep down after my results in ITE. I starting to be really troubled.

I mean alot of stuff. I hate thinking alot but i can't stop.. Maybe because most parts of my life i was pretty much feeling alone.

I always compare my life with others.. Wait please do not say why am i doing so?

Well is part of our culture as chinese in Singapore....

Since young is been like that.. parents tend to joke and say see your cousin is better... Or telling your aunties my son damn naughty one la... Don't want to scold him already...

This maybe a simple comment to just chat about the updates of their children but.. It really have a huge impact on how we children grow up to be.

I felt a sense of pity about my life story.. Always being the second best and not mastering the things i loved or liked...

This feeling of low esteem and well self pity is very hard to shake off...
Recently in church seeing others coming closer to God did made me feel kind sad as i somehow lost touch of God by my self pity-ness i wished i was part of his plans and i will not be distracted by the hurtful things i had been through so far.. I really feel alone....

When can i grow up...

I was thinking lately a lot about my past and well her.. At times i wonder if i grew up last of my but more matured would things become less complicated? Would i still be loved by a lot of people.. Would i still be me?

I felt that the whole world now is just looking to look correct and at times you have to be the imaged to others where they will only look up to when your different from who you truly are.....

I quote to myself this " If life is to live according to my life, then who would truly understand what i am living for in my life but not living for others." I felt that besides God who loves everyone and everything for what makes them good, why can't the one you like or loved do that?

And is it ok and alright to feel lonely when the people you need most at that point of them do not seem to be there while you really hope they were. Friends will be there but that feeling of the young and youthful times we had and the bond seems to disappear when we get old just well, becomes memories.

Tons of people say this " People change " be honestly is it me who is changing or the other party?

I just want to think that life is simple but honestly is not when you do not have God.

I believe in him. I long for him. But i feel lonely that i myself cannot stay close to him.

Being alone in my world that was created by him.

If i would be joined by others whom he assigned me to be with i will no longer be lonely....

God i need that people and those people needs me. But i need your words and your wisdom

guide me please.


If i had a tattoo like this ! =)

Ite Sucks...

Of all the hard work and sweat i gave.... I can't go to poly thanks to ITE... Everything about it is screwed up ! Trust me...

However i will not blame anyone as i think there is no point... They can just Kiss my ass..

But i Want to Congrat all my friends from my class who made it to Poly.... All the best =)


I think i am feeling better and i think God made me understand that i need him in my life no matter what..

God help

I was selfish to think too much of everything that was taken away from me..

The most sweetest gal i have ever seen which i could not take care of...

My rights as a guy...

Maybe my friends whom i hurt alot recently...

And my everything..

Maybe this is what you wish to do to me

maybe is a good thing i hope

Stripping me down to nothing.........

maybe that is where your saying i need to start a new....

I cannot say sorry to all the ones i hurt and move on..

i feel ashamed and disgusted of my doing....

Maybe this is where i need to say i need you..

I hurts for most part in my life....

But i want you to bring me back and shine

God i have sins that no man can wash for me only you....

A sin too much a man could bear....

Things are better ! =) And I'm Glad i still have you as my friend

Though we are not meant to be as a couple..... The joy you did brought to me was nice and will be memories that will last a long long time til i am up in heaven ( if God thinks i am good enough). I am happy that i can still be friends with you ! There were times when i walked passed J8 and a basketball court or just simply saw a NPCC cadet your face and smile just happen to come into my mind. I do miss you that i cannot hide but i never hated you at all..... Your the most understanding and the only gf that made me want to be in a long term relationship with. I am just hoping to look forward the upcoming times that we can be friends and maybe be good BFF ! i can be your sister =)

Did i mention i love Boston lega ! I BOUGHT THE 4 Seasons of the show and gosh total price !

DRUM Roll.....





Looks like very little Disc right






Check the amount of disc i have! Speaking of time to kill !
$209.30

I do not know why?

Things are happy and nice and soon things crashes down

life to me have no more meaning to be honestly i hate it now and i want to just end it totally and go to a place where there is no lies no hate and no anger.

The thing i feared most came true and now i all alone again. No one in my life truly love me once at all. I feel that hurt so much and i do not know if i can really find anyone anymore.

Honestly i hate it and i failed in almost everything i do. i am a no body and i will stay the same forever.

I just want to leave this place where people just seem to always hate me........... Please take me away i really can't stand up anymore and face what all the things in life are coming against me.


I'm sorry.

I GOT THE LETTER !

I Got the letter for army and for once i am rather scared as i have a very bad feeling i may not be able to study poly before i go NS ! =(

Dun get me wrong, i meant i do not mind going army is just that i rather study first and all. If so then i have no choice and just get the 2 damn years over with =)
Hmm this past weekend was fun ! JM came and ravin too.. And not to forget BABY TOO! haha =) We crap alot and stuff but it felt so fun ! haha great to have all of them in my life !

I will be missing baby very soon! she is going to work haiz.. I honestly will miss her alot....

No more Lousy Sundays ! =)

The Sweetest Smile I have ever seen ! I MEAN IT = D

Ever since we were together my Sundays were so much different. Not lonely not boring not plain and a day where i always never look forward to always...

But to know that your there and to know how much i meant to you, i really never felt so loved by someone as much i loved for others. Your smile really cheer me up no matter what. The things i have been through in school and stuff your listening ear was there. I now want to be able to be there for you and to show you that how much you really meant to me.
You Been MISSED Terrible every time you turn and say bye. That moment is where i felt lost..... I really never thought angels are there... Til i really met you. Your name and your comfort feels like i was wrong about angels....

=)


School been Sucky hate it now and i really want to grad so damn soon and get it over ! Hoping to go to RP and study before i go NS.....Well but I have to leave this to God and what plans he have for me....

A day after Valentine

Sweet Sweet ! LOVE BABY's Dimple


Your someone whom i treasure ! = D


Next time you have to piggy back me ! = P

Today that time we had and spend was really one that i never ever had experience before with my other relationships at all ! Laying by your side and just chatting =) Knowing about the shocking stuff that we once we linked ! haha and how much your accompany and care really meant to me !

I want to have you and chat non stop like a 24/7 thingy ! haha Well that is just my dream !
Your present you bought for me was damn surprising la ! heez !

3 CDs that are all my singing teachers ! =) STING , ROD STEWART & TOTO ! WHOA WHOA !haha
And the letter =) was really touching and i really want to tell you that i will be there for you always !
=)
NOW FIFI ONLY LISTENS TO YOU ! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! = X

Your Smile Changed The Way Of Life =)

Your smile changed my thinking, your smile and your laughter cures those time when i was feeling always sad and lonely. Your Smile & you made me feel like i am a guy whom have good qualities that people do not see in me that i do not know about? Your care that you shown to me, was something to me i will treasure more than the things i used to treasure. Your sweetness makes me able to see that my sweet i eat everytime is not the real sweetness i never tasted before... I THINK I AM FALLING IN LOVE ! =)

No PAIN NO GAIN !

The New HAIR CUT !

Oh forgotten to update my post and now is my new look ! haha i going army ! = P FROM this !-->

TO THIS

<----

GIG And Production Photos

The gig to me went rather ok and i felt i can do so much better but anyway the next band got up and sucked so much that we look good =) Thanks that was what i was hoping for ! = P

Oh well things are more clear now i chatted with Denise and manage to clear the things that were stuck in mind and i finally cleared it. The band looks more involved in every way. We need the originals to be done plus a few addition Cover songs and we should be ready for more up coming gigs for youth.

Well overall the unity within the band is better and i felt so encouraged now, then the past few months ago. Thanks Pam for her encouragement and those who have said i had improved in my singing that really made me want to do more and eager to sing more now ! =) Darryl is still thinking about Arsenal and stuff..... Maybe i should take him to See HYT soon! OH plus i missed AH BANG ! NORA NORA ! Project was great the interview came in very handy and now is really falling in place, timing is still alright not too rush nor too much time so kinda what i hoped and prayed for before the project started.

here are the photos of me and the memebers of the the production Group next time is the actual filming in action photos
ME! HAHA the cute PLEASE TAKE ME
HOME EYES !



Jannson one of the few Guys that I can really Chat with! = ) Script Writer



The LIGHTING PERSON AND PHOTOGRAPHER ! HAN HUI!



On DRUGS !
PRODUCERS ARE MOSTLY UNHAPPY PEOPLE BUT PEA IS DIFFERENT




ERM.. Editor are mostly Quiet people.. Really She IS ! (Slience)



Lastly the most important Camera man whom i love to touch !




DO i Look like i am dancing




Nice Night Shot by Han Hui




I shot this with A NIKON CAM ! Weeee Thanks H H





More of the photos and updates will be posted.. printing cool tees for the crew soon !

Why have friends when they are never there?

I thought life was fine and things were great til the day like today i felt so betrayed.

I found out that everyone have moved on with their lives while i and still left alone in this time frame....

So many names to be mentioned that i do not care anymore. Life was not like this and i really hate it already. No more friends and when i do need one i have to find one and sure the phone will just not be answered at all. No one really really knows how i feel and cannot understand me.

Maybe i am anti social or maybe my friends just left me and they think is fine.. To be honest i tried and tried. Everyone on msn when i say : "Hi " soon there is no replies or hi i am busy chat with you again...FUCK that i am fucking pissed already and guess what there is no next time. Out of like 10 conversation i chat with 2 or if i am lucky that day 1 person will truly say : "Hi" and how is life......

That hurts alot and no one cares let's face it NO ONE!

I think when your single and all your good friends are happy dating and having their other half.....I will be forgotten and no one gives a SHIT . MAYBE THAT IS WHAT I AM TO OTHERS.

School been killing me i want to grad soon but i really do not know what i can do anymore....
Mailed SP for the Course Music and Audio Tech today and got rejected even if my GPA can get in This is what jannson typed for me

Hello, my name is Ansel Chang from ITE Ang Mo Kio.

I'm about to graduate from the course, "Digital Audio Video Production". Based on what I've learnt, I know it's related to the SP course, Music and Audio Technology.

However, it's not written in my list of options for courses I can go to.

Is there is any way I can apply for this course, possibly through DAE or JPAE?

I have confidence in hitting the 3.5 to 4.0 GPA requirement.

I'll be very grateful for a chance to study in SP.
Thank you.

Quick reply later in the afternoon

Dear Ansel Chang

I refer to your email dated 3rd Feb 2009.

The entry requirement for the Diploma in Music & Audio Technology is GCE 'O' level qualification.

I regret to inform you that NITEC or Higher NITEC is not a relevant qualification for admission to the above course.

Thank you for your interest in the courses conducted by the Singapore Polytechnic.

Yours sincerely

Sarina Din
Duty Officer
Admissions Office

I feel hurt that most Polytechnic still do not offer ITE nitec Students more courses that they should.

FUCK LIFE FUCK SCHOOL AND HONESTLY FUCK EVERYONE THAT IGONORES ME TOTALLY FUCK ALL YOU GUYS ! ..!..

CNY followed by Graduation

Chinese New  Year  is going to be over damn soon.....

Though i had like 3 days of just simple visiting and receiving a lot lesser for red packets. I enjoyed it a lot ! NONO  i never won any money through BlackJack or something but i visited my Uncle whom i have not met like 4 years already due to the problems my mother had with him over my late grandmother. 

It means so much to me cause when i was a little boy that place the people the atmosphere was grown in me without fail every new year we will head to his place and everyone will be there to gather. That was the best and i always look forward to that =) This year that same feeling of childhood came back to me. That can be the main reason why i am happy.. Even though everyone have children and boyfriends and girlfriends, but to see them at least brings the memories that i used to spent that bonding with them when i was a young boy brings that warmth into my heart =)

Recently things are just so boring to me as usual but i was able to think more positively... 

Oh Adek FINALLY HAVE GIVEN ME my present for Xmas BIRTHDAY  PLUS Valentine's day ! Thank you haha AND the most i can say unique gift i ever had  ! haha Sephora Hand soap ! = D

And Angela still owes me my previous birthday gift! Gosh

I want to get my ITE done with damn soon so i can chill and look forward to other stuff like the Step Up program-me for Youths. I want to share to students the importance of having a Goal or Dream in life and my pass experience =) 

Things to look out for....

1)Next Sunday my band having a gig at Singapore Flyer from 8.30 pm.

2)Possible Gig at Beatty Secondary School

3)Either going to Poly or Army which both are an experience i would be love to look forward to.

4)New songs that i can learn and can finally do more of my singing

5)Singing Lessons and Guitar Lessons most properly could be conducted again ( Cross fingers) 

6)Step up programme in secondary schools

7)Lastly my 21 st Birthday = )

Well at least i am looking forward for this year rather then the past 2 years ! ha ha =) 

Do tag me people and stuff missed chatting with people and seeing who reads my blog ! ha ha

= P 

On my final year project progress

Well besides have the first day without the camera man and did no shooting due to the weather it was ok manage to have a very more in depth discussion about what we have to shoot and what other stuff we need....

On the second day which was on Wednesday 14 Jan went very well we did more then expected meeting up with a West Spring Sec School children whom we did the interviews we needed and the whole class jumping and saying WE ARE SINGAPORE ! haha cool stuff =) Then moved to esplanade area and did tons of interview with foreigners and MAN THE LADIES FROM JAPAN was damn hot PHEW i and matt were like loving every minute of the interview !

Went home earlier yesterday but the worse was yet to come... My mum cooked noodles for me and i ate it later at night i GOT food poisoning.. On of the worse VOMITED Out ALL the noodles and crap alot.... Tossed around for hours.....=(

God i hope you will take care of me and forgive the sins cause i really want to change and be your right arm to touch others and bring them to Christ in your glory

Photos will be out very soon during the filming

X'mas is Over

I have not blogged for so long as i do not have the mood to and also i hate my stuff that i was planning to blog about........... Mostly sad and stupid stuff so ya save the troubles

New friends to me get me excited but soon they will just never chat with me as if i was an outcast to them or like a nerd or something..

Gosh i more or less have given up making new ones since my old ones are leaving me too

Haiz all busy with ARMY WORK STUDIES ! while i am free and lonely.. This feeling never goes away...

Things happened during the few months i did not blogged......

1) Bands stuff still have a few problems but more or less getting better I THINK !

2) Had a church camp where i finally had an experience with God that i will make him proud

3) Had a church outing at my condo which was fun

4) Bonded better with my church mates and see more of them growing

5) Bought new games but no one to play with as usual

Yup people who do not understand me will think alot of stupid stuffs and hate for it which i do not know what i can do

But who cares i never ever had a thought to hurt anyone before at all well maybe for people who are childish and maybe mad or just wanna find trouble with me about my past....

Things i learned if i am able to forgive others about their past others should too so honestly i am sorry but i will not do or say anything further more as i think is better to move on rather then some who just seems to put everything to themselves and love to blame others....


I dunno if i should go army or poly first ! help me !! give me ur comments ! PLEASE =)

Gosh when holidays are coming !

School have been super boring.... Week in and out... Doing practically NOTHING ! 

I know i can see how many of you guys going ARE U CRAZY I WANT TO GO SCHOOL AND DO NOTHING ! well trust me when your in my shoe i am so sure you will be super duper BORED !

Gosh just stuck in school use Mac's going online and visiting the same old webby's and cracking my brains for more fun websites to go........

Please help me tell me a list of websites that is fun and enjoyable besides porn.....Geez i am really getting bored of this timetable... Where there is no time table at all actually !! = 0

NO BAND NO MUSIC NO LIFE !! 

New friends new test

I made new friends i mean like people whom i know for long but recently went out and started to chat abit more than the usual hi how u been? Crap and i do made new friends too....

Cool stuff but still as what i learned in CG that i have to be ready and to lead a good example and be a great testimony.... Well i do think i am mostly when it comes to my goals and dreams hmm... (i think)

I been having mixed feelings GOSH ! and i really do not know why....I think i been sleeping maybe too late and stuff got some crazy things inside my head when i  sleep late....

Oh been hooked to Boston Legal recently and i feel so happy when i can watch the whole 5 Seasons free when i used to check the price for the 1st Season was like 89.90... On offer some more can ! Gosh luckily found the website to watch it = )

I think we should all sit down in a bus and just relax do not feel stress and rush to places where you going to go.... Life do not need extra stress.... But i do no mean BE LATE  

Sick and still sick

Gosh the past few weeks i got a tiny winy cold and i just ignored it.... And look now i am damn sick ! =)

Oh the past weeks been fun though i am sick enjoyed myself and meet up alot of my old friends like wei peng , jian ming and ravin.. Not to forget clement kok hong wen cai yuan zi yilin alex ronnie & kia leng...

And i start to understand more about myself and gaining abit of confidences along the way..... Now i will try to make things fun and enjoyable when things are getting bad.. =)

I will be more positive which is not like me at all but i gotta try in order to be a good example to others and i too will be so much happier and might just cheer others up !

On church wise ! haha went to church on time and had a nice CG this is the first time i did not feel like gosh when is it going to end i trully learned a lot for that meeting ! Thank you lord for giving me the extra movitation to reach out to others and not to be sad about the results as all this takes time and faith in you ! =)

Band wise i rather quiet but lots of exciting things to look forward for... Song writing was not that bad but we need alot of time to make it a awesome song... We do have the sound and quality to make it as one so i am excited... All we need is the whole band to really do it together ! =) and i believe things would work out better.

Things i felt happy are cheryl my ex girl friend is in a relationship again ! =) so happy for her and wish her all the best and long and lasting relationship.

- Singing wise i think i did improve and i finally got some hints on where i got it wrong and if i practice more i will be doing so so much better.. I will do it =)

-Guitar lessons been well... HMMm quiet haha all students have their self declared holidays or work day ! But maybe Glady's could be learning with her friends! One word ! AWESOME!
=)

Is sure going to be nice seeing her again and teasing her ! hope you will not mind gladys!



Things i do in class when bored !

Count the amount of smileys i post for this blog you can see how happy i am ! =P

Life is tough and i am backsliding.....

I tried and tried and i think is all my own thoughts that are drowning and draining my strength i have in life.....

Church... Friends... Band..... School.... Everything, at times i need people's acceptance but i learned a lot.... That things will not turn better if you just seek for humans acceptances in life as what you get in here is just only sins and lies. I need God but i can't reach to him when i always need him.

At times i feel like a failure that people whom i reached out or really want to fellowship just walk away. The damage i done is just simply i did nothing to continue that fellowship.... and i feel i disappointed God. I lost a lot of the excitement i have before. Cause i do not think i am good enough to fellowship any one anymore due to my sins and my emptiness.

I cry to God but when he is there i forgotten my cries but hungry for the blessing.... I hate this and i want to be a servant of God where people will not only learn but believe in themselves.

I think my life is just like a frog in a well, a frog who talks to anything or anyone who looked into it... Thinking the world out there is so much fun.. When your in the well you see the same thing and you feel all alone... But when your out there too long you want to be make the world be like the well you been staying for years... Feeling comfortable and accepted but sadly this is impossible.....

The world is a place where it works you and not you work on it... Only the dreams and a strong faith ed and fearless person can live in the world and see it through the colors and wonders of God.

I want to that anything that you planned for me to be cause i know that plan will only work out for me and i have to grow and work for it.

God bless me grant me the positive approach in life while i make my way to your glory and back in your caring arms again...

Make it or break it

I pray to God for this last test to help me to show what you want me to be and do for you.... The band wants to move on to make for the break to the scene.... Rock is something i like but i need your help Lord to show my vocals to be up for it and proof that i am meant to be it for you. =(

I am worried but i know i must not as i am really stuck i need your light and words to guide me back to track and move on and stand up for you...

In this i really pray in Jesus name....

God I need your strength

I do not hide much about my life but band stuff i do... Recently i been sad and thinking a lot lately
Some comments by the band mates do affect my a lot but i know is for my owe good and i will work hard for it.....

This is the part of my life where i always got looked down....
I never did something in my life that would really make myself and my family proud at ALL..

When i was in primary school my PSLE result was not good at all and i went to Guangyang Secondary school. During that time there i did not make anything or won much only for the soccer and basketball for my NPCC. My soccer was the worse i worked so hard but no one trusted in my abilities and this really affected me a lot.

Every since i failed my O's i really have not made my parents proud...
My cousin is doing well and stuff i am not comparing but at times it is the fact.
I need to do well in something which i was never good at to prove others that i am the best, i am a very competitive person by nature and that could be my biggest problem

I had never met anyone who look at me and think i have a talent and would want to coach or train me.

A couple of them are : My Family, Paul , Singing Teacher, Jin Poh, some of my Godsisters & Dotes.(There are more sorry if i did not write it here)

But i must proof to others that i have changed and to work hard to be who i am and in Singapore the only way to be respected or to have a say is by making a mark in the things you are doing.

I believe in God and i know my role and plans he have for my but i always stand up stronger, but at times the people around me always look down and say is hard la... Or Ok la do not put too much hope into that.... Plus others like you know go join Singapore Idol and proof it.

At times is just the timing i am in gives so much preasure & and stress... Others will say is the way i look at things but honestly not always is my thinking that makes me so stress.

In band, since the band started i learnt guitar by myself and soon i got to learn singing through my own way and lucky my mum helped me to get my singing teacher..

Which all my band mates did the same learning by themseleves. But they are far better than me now... I tried so hard but once i improve they are much further away, at times i feel i let them down and at times i feel so tired. I tried and tried but sometimes is just not good enough. I really need to get my tone for my singing and i know God will be there. God please give me the strength to sing every song for you and to worship you. The power to touch the thousand that will hear me one day, about your love and about your kingdom.

Cause i know in this world no matter how much i try and try no one will see my effort at all as they only judge by the final result. But only you the creator of this world understands how i feel. Dear God i give my everything to you and for you to see my problems.

I need you as i do not have much friends that trully understands me.... =(

God I need your strength