I maybe be cheerful when people meet me.. But deep down after my results in ITE. I starting to be really troubled.
I mean alot of stuff. I hate thinking alot but i can't stop.. Maybe because most parts of my life i was pretty much feeling alone.
I always compare my life with others.. Wait please do not say why am i doing so?
Well is part of our culture as chinese in Singapore....
Since young is been like that.. parents tend to joke and say see your cousin is better... Or telling your aunties my son damn naughty one la... Don't want to scold him already...
This maybe a simple comment to just chat about the updates of their children but.. It really have a huge impact on how we children grow up to be.
I felt a sense of pity about my life story.. Always being the second best and not mastering the things i loved or liked...
This feeling of low esteem and well self pity is very hard to shake off...
Recently in church seeing others coming closer to God did made me feel kind sad as i somehow lost touch of God by my self pity-ness i wished i was part of his plans and i will not be distracted by the hurtful things i had been through so far.. I really feel alone....
